I always thought, the more I describe my disability, the more people would understand and I would be more accepted as an equal. I'm starting to believe the opposite is happening, where people either ostracize or avoid me more. That too much focus is being put on the differences I have from someone else. For some, it creates a bit of a hostility in a way that a disabled person is "special." There is a lot of confusion between special treatment and an accommodation. However, when someone misunderstands or has a difficult time communicating with me, I tend to want to explain. But some people resent this.
I have seen the attitudes of, "What makes you think you are so special?" As if a person with a limitation is asking for more than just trying to fit into this world and be an equal person. I realize a disabled person will sometimes get more attention. We are different, we work different, we process or approach things different. For some people, that is such a cool thing, for others it turns on their jealousy button. But here, the disability becomes a focus, where is the person? They get lost under the disability. Being admired for the disability or being resented. What happened to just accepting the person as a person? Can't they just get to know the human and then make the judgement?
A week or so ago, a mother posted on a list that she was requested to write a letter about her son's vision and hearing loss to the school. One person said, well ask if every other parent can write about their child and give that to you. I thought that was a great point. I later chimed in and said, "You have the power to write what ever you want. You don't have to write about the disability. You can write about how your child wants to be accepted and be apart of the school community just like anyone else."
Throughout the years getting to know classmates in college and co-workers in internships and jobs I have had, I found one thing to be consistent. The people who better accommodated me weren't the ones I explained to, but the ones who were open to meet me and get to know me as a human being. The ones I had issues with where the ones that were judgmental, closed minded and didn't try to get to know me.
I'm starting to understand that me explaining how to talk to me or work around me, I need to work with decent people. It is about attitude because with a person who is open with the right attitude, they will get it just by being around me. If something seems rude about me, don't take it as rude, but take it as perhaps something is going on. Do more investigation or learn, don't label. Think about a person who has a vision and hearing limitation. The two things we need to converse with another person. Think how they need to function in their environment. If you have average hearing and vision, there is no way you can even know how any person with a hearing and vision loss functions. In fact, each person that is deaf-blind varies. So what you learn with one person, is going to be completely different with another. So how can you assume you know?
The most challenging thing to try and intermingle or be apart of a social world is to try and get people to slightly change their behaviors so you can be apart of that social crowd or network. Some people think nothing of it to accommodate, while others think it to be either special treatment or a chore. They walk away and just do not want to deal with it. Honestly, it isn't that difficult. I grew up doing this with friends who had vision or hearing worse than mine.
All anyone wants to do is be accepted and apart of the community. Those with a hearing loss tend to have a slightly different culture than hearing people. Their way of communication is misunderstood and labeling leads to distancing themselves from the person, rather trying to understand the person. Be open, don't worry about doing anything wrong, connect with the person to learn about the individual. You might surprise yourself. You may learn something.
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