My Dream Job

     Ever since I was in high school, I wanted to be a park ranger. Not the law enforcement kind, but the naturalist kind. The ones that inspire people about nature and share with visitors all the delicate special things that nature has to offer us. Nature has a powerful message that we miss as we get caught up in our urban lifestyle. How to forget electronics, concrete and the fast life, just enough to fall into a peaceful moment of nature.

     For one reason or another, I got side tracked. I thought I wanted to be a veterinarian and went forward with that in college. That desire kept me going and that desire is what enabled me to graduate with a Bachelor's degree in Zoology with a minor in Chemistry. After veterinary technician school, I realized I was burned out and no longer had the desire to become a veterinarian. I still wanted to work with animals, and still loved being with dogs, but I took another turn.

      A few years later I was employed by the U. S. Fish and Wildlife Service as a Wildlife Inspector. My job was to make sure that all wildlife entering into Los Angeles by way of airplane, ship, or mail was compliant. That they had their appropriate permits to enter the United States. If the appropriate documentation was not presented, the item or animal would be seized. It was fascinating job and gave me a sense of purpose. In a small little way, I was helping the cause in saving our wildlife around the world. I inspected shipments from tropical fish, coral (yes they are animals) snakes, lizards, turtles, millipedes, scorpions, chimpanzee (rare), a variety of birds, zoo animals, and a variety of animals made into products and medicinals. It was a fascinating job. I did have challenges of seeing and hearing. I was given special equipment to see the animals for identification, special glasses with little scopes on them, a special hand magnifier and a cool lamp for my head to see in the bags that would have either lizards or snakes or some other critter. My vision was better at that time and I could handle the rigors of the job.

     Then I was hit with reality. As I get older and my vision less stable, I needed to learn a new job while I was young enough where if my vision got worse, I could have a skill to work. I also remembered my childhood dream of becoming a park ranger. I quit my good job with U. S. Fish and Wildlife and went back to school. In 2000, I attended Humboldt State University, where I found the wonder and the inspiration to connect with nature. Having lived in Los Angeles for 5 1/2 years, I realized I had lost touch with my natural environment. Being in Law Enforcement, you have a certain attitude and toughness that took a toll on me. It took me awhile to let go of the skepticism of people and emerge myself in the world of wonder. I was about to embark on a journey of inspiring people and having peace and solitude with nature.

       I remember a moment walking on the beach in Humboldt County just south of Redwood National Park. A tiny dirt road that weaved in-between the redwoods and thick vegetation. The Redwoods are the tallest trees in the world, they are so tall that you can't see the sky above you. Then as you drive a little further, you start to see blue sky ahead and then more light as you drive forward, then the beach. A quiet place with nearly no one in sight. I would go to this beach often watching the sun set. The waves would crash in hard since the water was rough. Too tepid to want to swim out more than your knees. The water would come up to the send where a lot of Redwood broken to many pieces have drifted onto shore. As I looked down at the sand, I made a very unique discovery. I picked up a handful of this sand. The sand isn't fine, but very grainy.The sand was the size of small pebbles. This was unlike the sand I was use to growing up near Malibu. My mother took me to Zuma Beach often when I was a child. The sand was fine where it would blow away in the wind. The sand I was looking at in Humboldt County was different to walk on, and different colors. As I picked some up in my hand and brought the chunks up to my face and saw the different shades of color in just one sand grain. My mind drifted in a peaceful stance letting the colors blend into my existence. I was moving into my right brain to connect to the sand pebbles. No more cognitive thought, but opening of the heart, to let peace in. I started noticing more shades of color, streaks and patterns as I continued to stare at the sand. As I let go of all my tension and troubles, I connected to nature and peace. It was a feeling of letting it all go and being able to focus on the fascination of nature from the beautiful color, to the science, to the art. I realized at that point I really wanted to be a park ranger.

         I was fortunate that my journey as a park ranger started in the beautiful Redwood curtain. A unique place of nature, that it pulls you in. The tallest trees in the world, the ferns, and the smell of the duff. You were in God's country. The Redwood forest is well know in the movie, "The Return of the Jedi" where the battle with the Ewoks in the forest. That scene was filmed in the Redwood forest where they only exist in one place in the world, Northern California.

         My first job assignment was Seney National Wildlife Refuge in the upper peninsula of Michigan. A remote place where driving to Wal-Mart takes an hour and a half. I lived in a historic 1933 log cabin that was built by the Civilian Conservation Corp. A program that Roosevelt started to get the economy stimulated. The rustic feel of the cabin was all the better to give a feel of being out in the open, in a natural setting at Seney National Wildlife Refuge. My summer there was 2001. They had 7 nesting Loon pairs. I could watch the pair dive for food. When they came up to the surface, their young chicks would ride their backs. What a peaceful event to watch, the real thing, uncut, unedited, non-sensationalized and real.

        Although I am hard-of-hearing, I could hear the echoing calls of the Loon, like a music you hear on a New Wave recording. At night I also heard the Sandhill Cranes, they sound like you went back in a prehistoric time with their crackle call. As the sun set every night and I would walk along the quiet road when the refuge was closed, there is a calmness in the air while you hear the sounds of the birds, frogs and insects. A choir like no other and the smell of night coming. The time is dusk.

         Being able to give programs at Seney was a special treat. I was still new at giving presentations. I also organized a large special event of almost 350 people. I set up booths, organized speakers and we also had a wolf howling contest. I was amazed that I could plan such an event with several activities.

         One of my biggest memories of Seney was going with the biologist, tracing through a  pool up to my waist with no waders. The water had tannic acid, which had dyed my white socks a dark brownish red. This is a typical work day of a biologist, especially one that is going to band an eaglet. The biologist climbed a tree, found a baby eaglet, put it in a bag and lowered the bag with the eaglet down to the ground. Measurements were taken, then the eaglet banded. The thrill to be able to hold our symbol of United States, an eaglet that will some day soar through the skies and hunt fish. A symbol of freedom and I was holding this young freedom in my hands. 

         As the summer came to a close, I did the long drive back to Northern California. Driving to and from Seney, Michigan I saw how beautiful our country is with its natural resources. I thought back at when I was legally blind, and how my sight was restored 4 and a half years earlier. I was so fortunate. I would drive the miles of land, no buildings, no development, just the interstate. I also felt at peace. Much of the land I saw is preserved for the benefit of our future generations. What a spectacular beauty we have here. I'm so happy we have National Wildlife Refuges, National Parks, U. S. Forest Service, Bureau of Land Management, all the state parks and all other agencies that preserve our country's treasures of our natural resources. Not being able to connect to this is a shame, but that is the role of a park ranger. To connect people to its peaceful beauty, that nothing else is like it anywhere on our earth, that having natural lands is a rich thing. Taking it away is a sad thing. If people could just stare at a mountain, a tree, an animal and let their energy flow in and feel its power. How so many have lost the connection to nature or how some have never developed the connection of nature.

          The following spring I did an internship at Patuxent Research Refuge in Laurel, Maryland. This refuge was more urban, but I was able to gain skills in doing environmental education programs with children. This is where I learned the fun of teaching young kids. I actually enjoyed it. Kids allow me to be silly, without being crazy. It is a way to find laughter, inspiration, wonder  and yourself.

           Then I started an internship with Santa Monica Mountains National Recreation Area and perfected my skill as a park ranger even more. I learned more about the area I grew up. I learned more about our beautiful native oak trees, the history of movie filming at Paramount Ranch, learned about the native Chumash of the area and felt more connected to the area I was raised. Not a lot of areas have this unique Mediterranean ecosystem. With summer coming up, I applied to a seasonal job and was hired at Klondike Goldrush National Historical Park. Skagway, Alaska. I spent 6 months there in one of the most beautiful places on our planet. Our last Frontier is Alaska. Pictures that we wee of its beauty do not do it justice of what it is to experience Alaska. The people are rustic, the towns are alive, just as when they were alive when people with hope, looking for gold came through.

              My favorite program to give was my Gold Rush Dogs. I portrayed a woman who took a journey to Alaska with her dog. It was said that the Gold wouldn't have been found for another few years if it weren't for the dogs that traveled with the gold seekers. To combine my love for dogs and being a park ranger together was just too good to be true. If I could have it all, that's what I would love to do, be a park ranger and have it related to dogs.

              October 2003, I left Alaska. I left an experience that was unique. I still struggled with how to connect with co-workers, but as far as visitors, my programs and seeing my way in becoming a better park ranger, I was getting better after each park. I did suffer fatigue and that would set me back. I couldn't read long hours in the evenings books that everyone else could. To get the information in my head was a challenge. When I returned to California, I went into a lull, kind of what you get after Christmas. The excitement of Christmas comes to an abrupt end, and you get slightly down. this is how I felt returning home from Alaska. Where did that energy go? The next two summers i went to Kings Canyon National Park in the beautiful Sierras in California. I was amongst the largest trees, by mass, in the world. We were at approximately 6600 feet elevation. The altitude did take a toll on me and I felt more fatigue. I felt as if I was walking in Molasses, hoping one day that my bouncy energy would come back. I still had a hard time trying to read all the material fast enough for my programs. It was a challenge. It was frustrating to be right where I wanted to be, but feeling so much fatigue and low energy.

                My last park was Zion National Park. It took me six years since I had left my job as a Wildlife Inspector, to let go of a lot of stress. I was among many people who were very kind and treated me like a human. It felt great to work with the many people at the park. It was my best year. However, I started out having some medical problem. I arrived in April, and had a lot of fatigue. I dragged. Again, I'm where I really want to be but I have no energy! In July, I started walking every night and lost 25 lbs. I had bounds of energy and realized why I was so sluggish and low energy. I have cholesterol issues. My body produces too much cholesterol due to a kidney disease. If i don't continue to exercise, and although I may look a little heavy, my body is actually acting as if I'm morbidly obese. That's because that is how much fat is circulating in my body due to my cholesterol problem. It is very difficult to keep an exercise program going since I get aching joints from my joint condition. This is what I experienced at Klondike Gold Rush Historical Park. People thought I was just lazy, but I was fighting pain and fatigue.

At Zion, the people were really nice and included me like one of their own. I had a close circuit TV to  help with reading. In the beginning, I couldn't read much. I started reading much better after July. But when I first came in April, I couldn't read fast enough to get all my programs ready. I had three good programs but two were so so due to needing to read more and learn more. I read so slow, four times slower than the average person. It is sometimes so hard to keep up the pace, but I work the hardest I can. Sadly, my supervisor saw my so so programs. She surprised me. She originally was going to see my better programs, but instead went to one I threw together and followed the outline of another person's program. I didnt' have two nights sleep, had a headache and then had her watching a program I knew wasn't up to par. It was a disaster. Murphy's law in full bloom.

                 The best years of my life were when I was a park ranger. I had challenges, and for the most part, kept them well hidden from everyone. Reading was difficult, hearing is difficult, but I worked hard to get around them and to show everyone things are fine. I know that I can succeed as a park ranger, I just need a little more time reading material. IF I were a full-time park ranger this wouldn't be too much of an issue. I also fought my fluctuating fatigue issues. People judge and label, I keep fighting every day to over come all my challenges to the point, I don't know when it is too much or not enough. I exhaust myself, sometimes I try to pace myself, and when I'm doing good, I really push myself. Mostly because I don't know when I'm going to go through a slump again.

                   I hope one day I can get back to doing this work, how to balance appropriately and keep a steady pace. Since I moved around to so many parks, I never got a full solid foundation to be able to catch up with the reading. To feel up to par with everyone else that takes them 1/4 or less the time to read or get the information in their head. I have to be patient with myself. I'm so fortunate that most people in the park system do understand. They are willing to help instead of demean you or patronize you. My skills are very good. When I'm exercising, eating well and have a solid program, I'm literally at the top of the world.

                  One day, I will do another program well and ignite that spark in people they didn't know they had for our natural beauty. One day I will be able to, provoke them to learn more about something they never knew about and teach them how to be stewards to our natural treasures. I will inspire people who look at dirt, and now have them see it is a whole living community.One day.